This Week In Off-Putting Fast Food Mascots

I was watching actual live TV this week (a rarity for me these days) and I saw this-- yet another off-putting and disturbing anthropomorphic fast food container-based mascot. This time it was Mr. Bag, the new face of regional burger chain Rally's.

I am 100% convinced that Rally's adopted Mr. Bag in response to this unholy abomination from McDonald's.

I honestly don't get it. When I was in art school, it was hammered into my brain on a daily basis that simply adding a face to a product and calling it a mascot was the lowest form of design. The visual equivalent of a pun, if you will. 

Designing such a mascot was a sure-fire way to flunk your design class. In fact, I actually witnessed a professor tell a student to find a new major after he came up with a mascot like Mr. Bag.

But times, and I suppose tastes, change. Apparently here in the 21st Century, products with faces are the new black.

Since I obviously can't beat 'em, I might as well join 'em. I present to you several new Anthropomorphic Product Mascots!

First up is Waxman, The Ear Wax Removal Bulb. This personable fellow cheerfully helps keep your ear canals free of unwanted ear wax, without compressing and impacting it like harsh cotton swabs can do.

Next up is Mr. Squirty, Your Friendly Neighborhood Enema Bag! Alternate name: Barry Um. Whatever you call him, he works hard to keep your colon sparkling clean. Why, you could practically eat off your insides, they'll be so spotless!

Last but not least we have Ms. Maxine Pad! Ladies, let Maxine be your best friend during your less delicate time of the month. Don't be afraid to tell her anything-- she'll soak up your troubles like a sponge!

If any corporations out there want to start using any of these new mascots immediately, you can forward your payment courtesy of the blog.